How To Increase Love Between Husband And Wife In Islam

How To Increase Love Between Husband And Wife In Islam

If you’re looking to know how to increase love between husband and wife in Islam, you need to examine the treatment of the Prophet (ﷺ) to his wives. Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) was the prime example of a good husband.

Narrated ‘Aishah:
that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “The best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.”

Jami` at-Tirmidhi

We aren’t currently living in the same era as the Prophet (ﷺ) to witness his speech and actions. That’s where we need to turn to narrations of the Prophet’s (ﷺ) wives and companions in order to get a sense of who he was.

There’s simple and easy ways that you can incorporate the lifestyle habits of the Prophet (ﷺ) into your own life. These can go a long way in your own marriage.

To find out how to increase love between husband and wife in Islam through the sunnah of the Prophet (ﷺ), then keep on reading.

Smell Good For Your Spouse

Good fragrance makes you appear more attractive to your spouse

Fragrance is a powerful thing.

Certain smells can trigger memories and emotions. Maybe the smell of ‘oud brings you back to the first time that you met your spouse. Or maybe your spouse’s signature scent brings you an overall feeling of comfort and security.

Good fragrance makes you appear more attractive to your spouse. It boosts your confidence when you know that you smell good.

The Prophet (ﷺ) Liked To Smell Good

The Prophet (ﷺ) detested having a bad smell emanate from his body. We can tell by his reaction to a trick that his wives played on him.

Narrated `Aisha:
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) used to like sweets and also used to like honey, and whenever he finished the `Asr prayer, he used to visit his wives and stay with them. Once he visited Hafsa and remained with her longer than the period he used to stay, so I enquired about it. It was said to me, “A woman from her tribe gave her a leather skin containing honey as a present, and she gave some of it to Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) to drink.” I said, “By Allah, we will play a trick on him.” So I mentioned the story to Sauda (the wife of the Prophet) and said to her, “When he enters upon you, he will come near to you whereupon you should say to him, ‘O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! Have you eaten Maghafir?’ He will say, ‘No.’ Then you say to him, ‘What is this bad smell? ‘ And it would be very hard on Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) that a bad smell should be found on his body. He will say, ‘Hafsa has given me a drink of honey.’ Then you should say to him, ‘Its bees must have sucked from the Al-`Urfut (a foul smelling flower).’ I too, will tell him the same. And you, O Safiya, say the same.” So when the Prophet (ﷺ) entered upon Sauda (the following happened). Sauda said, “By Him except Whom none has the right to be worshipped, I was about to say to him what you had told me to say while he was still at the gate because of fear from you. But when Allah ‘s Apostle came near to me, I said to him, ‘O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! Have you eaten Maghafir?’ He replied, ‘No.’ I said, ‘What about this smell?’ He said, ‘Hafsa has given me a drink of honey.’ I said, ‘Its bees must have sucked Al-`Urfut.’ ” When he entered upon me, I told him the same as that, and when he entered upon Safiya, she too told him the same. So when he visited Hafsa again, she said to him, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! Shall I give you a drink of it (honey)?” He said, “I have no desire for it.” Sauda said, Subhan Allah! We have deprived him of it (honey).” I said to her, “Be quiet!”

Sahih al-Bukhari

The Prophet (ﷺ) Had Sikkah

If you’re wondering what type of perfume the Prophet (ﷺ) used, it was sikkah.

Narrated Anas ibn Malik:
The Prophet (ﷺ) had sikkah with which he perfumed himself.

Sunan Abi Dawud

Here’s a description of the sikkah mentioned in the hadith from Sunan Abi Dawud:

Sikkah is a kind of perfume of superior quality made from a black substance mixed with musk. Obviously here it refers to the container or a case of perfume.

The Characteristics of Prophet Muhammad

Buy Good-Quality Fragrance

In Islam, good-quality fragrance isn’t considered to be an extravagant thing to buy. Using fragrance is a form of worship. Even though the Prophet (ﷺ) was frugal in his spending, when it came to fragrance, he didn’t shy away from buying the best.

Note To Sisters

It’s a big no-no for women to wear perfume outside of the house and allow non-mahram men to smell it.

Narrated Abu Musa:
that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Every eye commits adultery, and when the woman uses perfume and she passes by a gathering, then she is like this and that.'” Meaning an adulteress.

It’s recommended that women apply perfume for their husbands in the comfort of their own home.

Narrated Imran ibn Husayn:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: I do not ride on purple, or wear a garment dyed with saffron, or wear shirt hemmed with silk. Pointing to the collar of his shirt al-Hasan (al-Basri) said: The perfume used by men should have an odour but no colour, and the perfume used by women should have a colour but no odour.
Sa’id said: I think he said: They interpreted his tradition about perfume used by women as applying when she comes out. But when she is with her husband, she may use any perfume she wishes.

Sunan Abi Dawud

Use The Siwak

Sunnah of siwak

Bad breath can be a major turn-off for your spouse.

Maintaining good oral hygiene is a sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). The Prophet (ﷺ) brushed his teeth using a tooth-stick called the miswak or siwak.

‘Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “The Miswak (tooth-stick) cleanses and purifies the mouth and pleases the Rubb.”

Riyad as-Salihin

It’s sunnah to use the siwak when entering your home to be with your family. You can make it a habit to have fresh breath before you greet them.

Shuraih asked ‘Aishah:
“What would the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) do as soon as he entered the house?” She replied: “(He would use) the siwak.”

Sunan Abi Dawud

Help Your Spouse With Chores

Husbands should help their wives in the house, even if he works outside and she doesn’t. This is a sunnah of the Prophet (ﷺ).

The Prophet (ﷺ) didn’t consider housework to be degrading. His status as both the Messenger of Allah and a husband didn’t sway him into thinking he was ‘above’ doing it.

Narrated Al-Aswad:
I asked `Aisha what did the Prophet (ﷺ) use to do at home. She replied. “He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer.”

Sahih al-Bukhari

The Prophet (ﷺ) used to wash his clothes and milk his sheep.

‘Amra reported that ‘A’isha was asked, “What did the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, do in his house?” She replied, “He was a man like other men. He removed the fleas from his garment and milked his sheep.”

Al-Adab Al-Mufrad

Don’t Like Doing Chores?

If you struggle with finding the motivation to help your spouse, change your mindset.

You can change it from:

  • “I’m washing the dishes for the sake of my spouse.”

To:

  • “I’m washing the dishes with the hope of being rewarded for it in the hereafter.”

Either way, you keep your spouse happy and get the job done.

Be Mindful Of Your Spouse’s Feelings

The Prophet (ﷺ) used to know whether ‘A’isha (radhiallahu ‘anha) was pleased with him or not. Not because she outright said it, but because he learnt to pick up on a subtle clue in her speech.

‘A’isha reported:
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said to me: I can well discern when you are pleased with me and when you are annoyed with me. I said: How do you discern it? Thereupon be said: When you are pleased with me you say; “No, by the Lord of Muhammad,” and when you are annoyed with me, you say: “No, by the Lord of Ibrahim.” I said: Allah’s Messenger, by Allah, I in fact leave your name (when I am annoyed with you).

Sahih Muslim

Express your understanding of your spouse’s feelings and then allow them to clarify. Learn how to analyse their body language.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you should become a mind-reader. It’s just that attempting to understand your spouse goes a long way in keeping the peace in your marriage.

Console Your Spouse When They Need It

The Prophet (ﷺ) knew how to pick up on when ‘A’isha (radhiallahu ‘anha) was feeling jealous of her co-wives. He made an effort to comfort her and put her mind at ease. The Prophet (ﷺ) listened to her concerns and offered her some advice.

A’isha the wife of Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ), reported that one day Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) came out of her (apartment) during the night and she felt jealous. Then he came and he saw me (in what agitated state of mind) I was. He said:
A’isha, what has happened to you? Do you feel jealous? Thereupon she said: How can it be (that a woman like me) should not feel jealous in regard to a husband like you. Thereupon Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: It was your devil who had come to you, and she said: Allah’s Messenger, is there along with me a devil? He said: Yes. I said: Is a devil attached to everyone? He said: Yes. I (Aisha) again said: Allah’s Messenger, is it with you also? He said: Yes, but my Lord has helped me against him and as such I am absolutely safe from his mischief.

Sahih Muslim

You might need to remind your spouse every now and again that their jealous thoughts aren’t always based on what is real. It could be the Shaitan putting jealous thoughts in their mind.

Do your best to make your spouse feel loved and special. Don’t allow your spouse to feel threatened or inadequate to you.

Race With Your Spouse

Be playful and romantic with your spouse

Once while on a journey, the Prophet (ﷺ) and ‘A’isha (radiallahu ‘anha) challenged each other to a running race, just for fun. ‘A’isha (radiallahu ‘anha) won the race.

Sometime later, ‘A’isha (radiallahu ‘anha) gained some weight. They raced each other a second time and the Prophet (ﷺ) won. He made fun of her for that win.

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu’minin:
while she was on a journey along with the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ): I had a race with him (the Prophet) and I outstripped him on my feet. When I became fleshy, (again) I had a race with him (the Prophet) and he outstripped me. He said: This is for that outstripping.

Sunan Abi Dawud

Be playful and romantic with your spouse. Challenge them to something that gets both of you active and out of the house, just for a laugh.

Here’s a few ideas:

  • A running race
  • Shooting basketball hoops
  • Bowling
  • Badminton
  • Archery

Call Your Spouse By Loving Nicknames

The Prophet (ﷺ) used to show affection to ‘A’isha (radiallahu ‘anha) by omitting the last vowel in the her name. This type of nickname is called an apocope.

  • ‘A’isha – ‘A’ish

It’s easy to transform a lot of Arabic names into apocopes because they end in the letter, ‘a’.

  • Khadijah – Khadij
  • Hamza – Hamz
  • Hafsa – Hafs

Narrated Abu Salama:
`Aisha said, “Once Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said (to me), ‘O `Aish (`Aisha)! This is Gabriel greeting you.’ I said, ‘Peace and Allah’s Mercy and Blessings be on him, you see what I don’t see’ ” She was addressing Allah’s Apostle.

Sahih al-Bukhari

At the time of the Prophet (ﷺ), the ‘Arabs gave each other kunyahs based on their children.

  • Abu ___ – Father of ___
  • Umm ___ – Mother of ___

The Prophet (ﷺ) affectionately gave ‘A’isha (radhiallahu ‘anha) the kunyah, Umm ‘Abdullah. Not after her son, but after her nephew, ‘Abdullah.

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu’minin:
Aisha said: Messenger of Allah! All my fellow-wives have kunyahs? He said: Give yourself the kunyah by Abdullah, your son – that is to say, her nephew (her sister’s son).

Sunan Abi Dawud

It’s much more funny and romantic to call your spouse by a nickname rather than their actual name.

  • Babe
  • Honey
  • Sweetheart
  • Cute-o
  • Cupcake

If it makes your spouse smile and would anyone else want to barf, you’re on the right track.

Express Love And Appreciation For Your Spouse

The Prophet (ﷺ) didn’t shy away from declaring his love for ‘A’isha (radhiallahu ‘anha)

When the Prophet (ﷺ) was asked which person he loved the most, he didn’t shy away from saying that it was his wife, ‘A’isha (radhiallahu ‘anha). When asked which person from among the men he loved the most, he replied, “her father” – still connecting Abu Bakr (radhiallahu ‘anhu) to ‘A’isha (radhiallahu ‘anha).

Narrated Anas [May Allah be pleased with him]:
“It was said: ‘O Messenger of Allah! Who is the most beloved of the people to you?’ He said: ”Aishah.’ It was said: ‘From the men?’ He said: ‘Her father.'”

Jami` at-Tirmidhi

The Prophet (ﷺ) compared ‘A’isha (radiallahu ‘anha) to an Arabic dish called tharid. Tharid consists of meat and bread and was considered to be a delicacy at the time of the Prophet (ﷺ).

Narrated Anas:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “The superiority of `Aisha to other women is like the superiority of Tharid to other kinds of food.”

Sahih al-Bukhari

Be Supportive Of Your Spouse

When the Prophet (ﷺ) decided that he needed some time to reflect at the Cave of Hira, Khadijah (radhiallahu ‘anha) didn’t object. She was supportive – so much in fact, that she packed him food and supplies for his trips.

Narrated `Aisha:
… He used to take with him the journey food for that (stay) and then come back to (his wife) Khadija to take his food like-wise again for another period to stay,

Sahih al-Bukhari

After the first revelation was delivered to the Prophet (ﷺ) through Jibril (alaihi salam), he was shaken by it.

The first person that he went to for comfort was his wife Khadijah (radhiallahu ‘anha). The Prophet (ﷺ) knew that she was loyal to him and that she was someone he could confide in.

Khadijah (radhiallahu ‘anha) knew that the Prophet (ﷺ) was the most honest and trustworthy person.

Narrated `Aisha:
… Khadija said, ‘Never! But have the glad tidings, for by Allah, Allah will never disgrace you as you keep good reactions with your Kith and kin, speak the truth, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guest generously and assist the deserving, calamity afflicted ones.”

Sahih al-Bukhari

What’s admirable about Khadijah (radhiallahu ‘anha) is that she didn’t react by pointing the Prophet (ﷺ) to the nearest mental hospital. Khadijah (radhiallahu anha) believed in the Prophet (ﷺ). She didn’t doubt that what he was experiencing was real.

Khadijah (radhiallahu ‘anha) pointed the Prophet (ﷺ) to her cousin – a person of knowledge – who would be able to assist him.

Narrated `Aisha:
… Khadija then accompanied him to (her cousin) Waraqa bin Naufal bin Asad bin `Abdul `Uzza bin Qusai.

Sahih al-Bukhari

You can make your relationship resemble the Prophet (ﷺ) and Khadijah’s (radhiallahu ‘anha) by basing it on understanding. Do your best to accommodate for each other’s needs – as long as they’re halal and within the limits of the Shari’ah. Be each other’s cheerleader – encouraging one another to do good and achieve one’s goals and aspirations.

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How To Increase Love Between Husband And Wife In Islam