123 Questions To Ask Potential Spouse

123 Questions To Ask Potential Spouse

In this post, I’ve put together 123 questions to ask potential spouse. If you or someone you know is considering Islamic marriage, I strongly suggest that you refer to this list.

As a Muslim revert who’s married a foreigner, I know the importance of asking potential spouses some nitty-gritty questions.

I’ve heard of good and bad experiences from friends and from Muslims on social media forums.

Many unsuccessful marriages could’ve been prevented if the couple had investigated each other in more detail before getting married. Take your time to get to know each other, but at the same time, don’t delay nikkah too long.

If the two (as well as the wali) are happy with each other, don’t allow hesitation to get the better of anyone. Avoid falling into haram things like zina as well.

The #1 thing that you should be satisfied with is their practicing of Islam. If it’s good and that’s the main focus of the marriage, then everything else should run smoothly.

Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be losers.

Sahih al-Bukhari

Here’s the list of 123 questions to ask potential spouse.

Wali

Questions to ask potential spouse
Make sure that a wali will be present first
  1. Is there a wali that can be involved in the “getting to know you” stage?
  2. Will the wali be present at every interaction we have together?
  3. Where will we meet?
  4. Will online/phone communication be involved? Will this be monitored by the sister’s wali? 

Intentions

  1. Why are you looking to get married?

Faith

  1. Which mosques do you frequent the most?
  2. Do you attend Islamic classes?
  3. How long have you considered yourself to be a practicing Muslim?
  4. Do you consider yourself to be Sunni or Shia?
  5. Do you follow a particular school of thought? I.e. Hanafi, Shafi’i, Maliki, Hanbali etc.
  6. Have you done Hajj/Umrah before? Would you like to take your spouse in the future?
  7. How often do you read or recite the Qur’an?
  8. Do you like to watch Islamic lectures? If so, which ones do you watch?
  9. Do you pray five times a day?
  10. What is your favourite surah and why?
  11. Do you fast in Ramadan?

Family

  1. Do you live with your family?
  2. Do you expect your spouse to live with your family after getting married?
  3. How many siblings do you have?
  4. Are you the oldest, youngest or in the middle?
  5. What is your relationship with your parents and siblings like?
  6. Are your parents okay with you marrying someone of your choice?
  7. Would your parents prefer that you marry someone of their choice?
  8. Which people in your family are you closest to and get along with the best?
  9. Does your family have disagreements? Are there any family members that you don’t get along with?

Education

  1. Are you studying?
  2. Which degree are you studying?
  3. What type of degree are you studying? I.e. Bachelor’s, Master’s, PhD.
  4. Do you plan to study in the future?
  5. Do you want to study first and then get married or vice-versa?
  6. Do you want to pursue a career in the field you’re studying?
  7. When do you plan to be finished with your studies?

Career

  1. Are you currently working?
  2. Do you work for a company or are you self-employed?
  3. Which company do you work for?
  4. Do you work full-time or part-time?
  5. Which suburb do you work in?
  6. Does your workplace allow you to practice Islam? I.e. praying, wearing hijab, having a beard, attending Jummah prayer on Fridays.

Personality

  1. How do your friends and family describe you?
  2. What are your hobbies?
  3. What makes you laugh?
  4. What makes you cry?
  5. What makes you angry?
  6. What makes you happy?
  7. Do you like to cook and clean?
  8. Which recipes can you make?
  9. Do you like to travel? If so, where have you traveled to?
  10. Do you plan to travel in the future?
  11. How do you like to keep fit and healthy?
  12. What kind of food do you like to eat?
  13. Do you like sports?
  14. Do you watch movies?
  15. Which books do you like to read?
  16. Do you play video games?
  17. How do you handle challenges in life?
  18. What do you do when things don’t go your way?
  19. How do you react to rude people?
  20. What are your pet peeves?
  21. What do you do for entertainment?
  22. Do you listen to music?
  23. Do you smoke?
  24. What are your political views?

Location

  1. Which suburb do you live in?
  2. Would you like to move house after getting married?
  3. Which suburb would you like to live in? Why is this ideal to you?

Expectations

Questions to ask potential spouse
Make sure that you jot down any crucial questions that you’d like to ask
  1. What type of spouse are you looking for?
  2. What sort of qualities would your ideal spouse have?
  3. How would you like responsibilities to be distributed? I.e. would the husband or wife cook, do house chores, work, look after kids?
  4. Would you like to have kids someday? If so, how many?
  5. Would you like to have pets? If so, what type and how many?
  6. Are there any pets that you wouldn’t like to have?
  7. What would you like your nikkah ceremony to be like?
  8. Are there any cultural traditions you’d like to involve in your nikkah ceremony?
  9. Do you plan to have a walima?
  10. Are you open to the idea of polygyny?
  11. Would you like to have a marriage contract? If so, what are the conditions?
  12. Should a wife be accompanied by a mahram at all times?
  13. How would you react if one of your children revealed that they’re homosexual? How would you treat them?
  14. How would you treat your children if they left Islam?
  15. What are your hopes for the future?
  16. Do you believe in traditional gender roles?
  17. Do you believe that a wife should keep her surname?

Questions Directed At Men

  1. Do you attend Jummah prayer every Friday?
  2. Would you allow your wife to work and pursue a career?
  3. Would you allow your wife to stay at home if she doesn’t want to work?
  4. What level of hijab would you like your wife to wear? I.e. no headscarf, hijab, niqab.
  5. What is your understanding of ayah 4:34? How do you interpret the meaning of daraba (striking)? For a proper understanding of the concept of daraba in Islam, you can read tafsir of the ayah here or watch a video here.
  6. Would you allow your wife to keep her share of any income that she makes?

Questions Directed At Women

  1. What kind of hijab do you wear? I.e. no headscarf, hijab, niqab.
  2. Do you expect your husband to have a beard?
  3. Would you like to work and pursue a career?
  4. Would you like to stay at home and not work?
  5. How do you expect your wealth to be distributed? Would you keep it to yourself or would you help out your husband with finances?
  6. What would you request to be your mahr?

Questions Directed At Reverts

  1. When did you take your shahada?
  2. How did you come to Islam?
  3. Do your family and friends respect your decision to become a Muslim?
  4. How is your relationship with your family and friends?
  5. Is your family aware that you’re looking for Islamic marriage?
  6. Does your family understand what Islamic marriage is about?
  7. Would your family want to attend your nikkah?

Questions Reverts Should Ask

  1. Would you help me learn more about Islam? How would you go about this?
  2. Would you be able to teach me how to read and recite the Qur’an?
  3. Would your family be okay with you marrying a revert?

Questions Directed At Foreigners

Residency Status

Unfortunately, people do marry for citizenship and leave once they’re granted it. This is something you should be aware of if you do choose to marry someone who doesn’t have citizenship in your home country.

This shouldn’t be a deterrent if you believe that a potential spouse is fully-practicing, fears Allah and that citizenship isn’t their only motive.

  1. What brought you to [insert country/city name]?
  2. Do you have family or friends here?
  3. Do you have working rights here?
  4. Do you plan to become a citizen and if so, how? I.e. through marriage, working, study.

Culture

  1. Can you tell me a bit about your culture?
  2. Which languages do you speak?
  3. What is your first language?
  4. Would your family be okay with you marrying someone of a different nationality than you?

Travel

  1. How often do you travel to your home country?
  2. Would you expect your spouse to travel with you to your home country from time to time?
  3. Would your family members living overseas attend your nikkah?

Other

  1. Are you allowed to drive here? If so, are you familiar with the road rules? Do you own a car?
  2. Do you ever get homesick?
  3. Do you contact your family living overseas often?

Questions Directed At Divorcees And Widows

  1. Why didn’t your previous marriage work out? Why did it end in divorce?
  2. How did you become a widow?
  3. Do you have children? If so, how many?
  4. Would you be open to the idea of having more children?
  5. What expectations would you have on your spouse in terms of looking after your children?

Final Thoughts

Nikkah is a major milestone in any Muslim’s life. It should be planned out and managed carefully.

Use this list of questions to ask potential spouse as a guideline for getting to know the core of them. You need to find out who they really are in order to determine whether or not you’d be compatible with each other.

Another thing you should do is interview a potential spouse’s parents, siblings and friends. Get a mahram involved if you need to, in order to prevent free-mixing.

Getting to know how they treat their loved ones is a pretty good indication of how they’ll treat you.

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123 Questions To Ask Potential Spouse